The Rules. You can't live with them and you can't live without them???

The method of 'The Rules: Time-Tested Secrets for Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider. Maybe this should be another idea to consider ... at least a few of them???

01: Be a “Creature” Unlike Any Other
02: Don't Talk to a Man First (and Don't Ask Him to Dance)
03: Don't Stare at Men or Talk Too Much
04: Don't Meet Him Halfway or Go Dutch on a Date
05: Don't Call Him & Rarely Return His Calls
06: Always End Phone Calls and dates First
07: Don't Accept a Saturday Night Date after Wednesday
08: Fill Up Your Time before the Date
09: How to Act on Dates 1,2, & 3 End the date first especially if you like him.
10: How to Act on Dates 4 through Commitment Time
11: Always end the date first
12: Stop Dating Him if He Doesn't Buy You a Romantic Gift for Your Birthday or Valentine's Day
13: Don’t See Him More than Once or Twice a Week
14: No More than Casual Kissing on the First Date
15: Don't Rush into Sex & Other Rules for Intimacy
16: Don't Tell Him What to Do
17: Let Him Take the Lead
18: Don't Expect a Man to Change or Try to Change Him
19: Don’t Open Up Too Fast
20: Be Honest but Mysterious
21: Accentuate the Positive & Other Rules for Personal Ads
22: Don’t Live with a Man (or Leave Your Things in His Apartment)
23: Don't Date a Married Man
24: Slowly Involve Him in Your Family & Other Rules for Women with Children
25: Practice, Practice, Practice! (or, Getting Good at The Rules)
26: Even if You're Engaged or Married, You Still Need The Rules
27: Do The Rules, Even when Your Friends & Parents Think It's Nuts
28: Be Smart and Other Rules for Dating in High School
29: Take Care of Yourself and Other Rules for Dating in College
30: NEXT! & Other Rules for Dealing with Rejection
31: Don't Discuss The Rules with Your Therapist.
32: Rules May Be Pulled Out of Thin Air If the Situation Requires
33: Do The Rules and You’ll Live Happily Ever After!
34: Love Only Those Who Love You
35: Be Easy to Live With

Courtesy of Wikipedia

Men of another generation ...

In case I failed to mention it earlier, Sam is 24 and I'm 28. This may be the cause for some of the breakdown in communication. Who knows?

Friday arrived: and I received an e-mail from him telling me how he was clubbing until 7 a.m. that morning and he was 'so tired' b/c he had to be to work by 9:30 a.m. OK, I thought that was forgivable, especially considering he said either Sunday or Monday would work best for him. I didn't think much of it, since I was tired from just getting in from Paris that night prior. And still, my friend was in town -- he reminded me of that, despite the fact that she said it was alright if we went out (she was tired and wanted to stay in the entire weekend).

So, here we stand: Both Sunday and Monday passed without seeing each other. A few e-mails floated my way with apologies for the lack of communication ... this time, he had lost his phone. So, at this point I was a bit fed up. My friend had left that Monday (he knew what day she was leaving) and I was still getting these e-mails. I would typically excuse the lack of the phone problem --- HOWEVER, I knew he had another phone. He e-mailed me Tuesday night about how he was stressed about his dissertation and had to meet with his professor the next day. I knew I had to do something at this time, because I wasn't happy with how things were going.

And the end of Sam: He was on campus at noon Wednesday to meet with his professor. I received an e-mail from him at 7:30 that night saying he was in the library if "I wanted to stop by and say hello." I was immediately like, "WTF! Am I not the one who lives on campus? Shouldn't he come by to visit me?" Nonetheless, I took it as a moment of overreacting and went on. I dressed up a bit, put on some make-up and headed to the library two hours after his initial e-mail. I knew he was going to Amsterdam the following day with friends, so I wanted to just get things over with. I was tired of thinking, "He's Just Not That Into You." I wanted to get it over with quickly. So, I went in the library and he could tell I was upset about something. He said, "I can tell you're distraught or disappointed by your facial expression." I told him that was pretty accurate.

The final goodbye: I told him, that I didn't like the way things were going on. I didn't like the lack of communication and how I am a bit frustrated with everything. He said he understood and knew he was wrong. He knew he was wrong! That was the only solace he had to say. Nothing to repair the situation, but admittance to knowing he was wrong. I was completely confused at this point. Out of nowhere he says, "I really like your face. I've always liked it." Was he trying to throw me off with some sorta flattery? Sam then said he needed to think about everything while he was in Amsterdam. I'm not sure what he had to think about, because I was finished. As I told him, "When I'm done, I'm done." He asked why I felt that way and I just never responded. I personally don't see any sense in going back and forth in something that's already spoiled. Enough is enough already. Don't you think?

And lasting advice: So, I e-mailed my step-mother about the situation. Unfortunately, her advice wasn't all that sweet. She seems to suggest that men of the younger generation are into texting and e-mailing. Apparently, I should find something wrong with wanting to be courted like a lady. She also concludes that I may be getting too old to be so picky, b/c after all 28 is the new 58 -- am I right? Well, this is what I have to say ... He may be cute, but I'm most certainly cuter.

Still there's Hope?

A few days following the 'accidental' meet and greet at the library, I wasn't sure if Sam was going to come through to pickup my friend. I have to say I was a bit nervous to say the least and my friend who was visiting, was doubtful as well.

Christmas Eve arrived and he texted me to let me know he was on his way over. I picked him up a few little knick knacks --- all under 5 pounds, according to London Paper's "What to Buy a Guy You Just Met" section. It was nothing --- I figured at the very least, it would be a thank you for picking my friend up early Christmas morning. The little baggie contained stuff I picked up at the Superdrug, like "Kissable Lip Balm," and some bath salts and things of that nature. The note on the bag read, "To kissable evenings and relaxing nights to come." I thought it was cute enough. So, he headed over and it was about midnight when he arrived. Against my better dating judgment, I OK’d everything --- considering I had to get my friend from the airport on a day when NO PUBLIC TRANSPORTATION was running. He smelt of black 'n'mild smoke or cigarettes. Yuck! I hate those things, as I'm not a smoker myself. It was my first immediate turn-off. However, I prevailed. I was trying to think of how my friend would be stranded in London's airport on her first visit to Europe. Well, we watched a DVD and somehow I found myself making out with him. No sex, just kissing and touching. It was totally PG-13. We slept for a few hours and somehow I liked him again, despite EVERYTHING. I ended up sleeping on my friend's air mattress b/c there just wasn't enough room on my twin-size bed for the two of us. The next morning, after just a few hours of sleep, we woke up and I showered. He cleaned out his car and we left to pickup my friend.

The pickup: We met my friend at the airport and everything was fine. I paid the three pounds for his parking, b/c after all it was Christmas morning and he was doing me the favor. He was very polite to my friend and even held conversations with her about her job in mathematics. He, himself, prides on his mathematical skills. I smiled inside thinking that things were beginning to look up for Sam and me again. We all joked and laughed about our lives together and a part. And then my friend offered him 20 pounds for picking her up --- considering petrol is quite expensive here and the trip was about 20-30 minutes away. He wouldn't accept it though. I was proud. What a gentleman, I began to think. We arrived back on campus and of course, he opened my door. He then walked us to the building's entrance and hugged me goodbye and kissed me on the forehead. Things were certainly looking up.

Days following: I found myself receiving some e-mails, maybe a text or two from him ... but oddly enough, no phone calls. I just excused it as him not wanting to intrude upon my company. The day before I leave for Paris, he drops by to see me and to wish me a 'Happy New Year.' We sit in his car for about an hour and a half and vent, discuss our frustrations etc. etc. He was a bit sick, so I was kinda flattered that he still came out --- although I washed my hands frantically when entering my room. LOL! After we chatted, he opened my door and walked me inside of my building. We were playful for a bit. He picked me up and hugged me. Then he did the kiss on the forehead thing again. So, everything seemed to be right back on track. We even had plans for that Friday after I returned --- just to give me a bit of breathing room from tight quarters in my flat.

And after the date ...

So, we're just about caught up now. Following what I considered a pretty great date, things were at the very least interestingly puzzlingly. My friend arrived from D.C. (she should have her blog, 'Dateless in D.C.' up and running soon). I didn't hear from Sam much during this time. We had plans for a Monday double-date --- this was almost a week after our first date. Unfortunately, that didn't pan out very well as there was some confusion with the friend issue. Sure, it was probably too soon to plan a double-date when we only had one date ourselves, but I kinda wanted to see him again and I didn't want to leave my friend home. Needless to say, she was quite independent during her visit and when he finally met her --- he thought she was very cute. Not the girl he was picturing she was. Umph.

This is how we ended up meeting up with Sam. Well, after a few days of no communication --- I finally get a text from him on a Sunday night (the night before the Monday double-date) and he tells me how he has had the flu since that Wednesday (the day after our date). Well, just so happens I needed to go to the library at the next campus. Guess where I find Sam??? Yep, in the library. Now, I can't blame him for studying while he's "sick" but gee, do I wish I would've given him a ring prior to arriving on the third floor of that library. To think what that would’ve conjured up.  So, after a bit of snobbish behavior on my behalf, I'm wondering was he really sick? He kept trying to prove to me that he was, but for some reason I knew that wasn't the real reason for our lack in communication.

Low and behold the truth ... After some prying, I came to the realization the problem was about an e-mail. He asked me about the differences in British and American guys. I made a few blanket statements, not pointing fingers at him specifically --- but overall from my first date experience, what some of my American friends here in London have told me and what I've heard in general. He took things literally. For example, I mentioned that guys in London are a bit more 'touchy-feely' and I suppose he thought I was referring to him. For goodness sake, what was he thinking!?! We held hands and I laid my head on his chest! That doesn't sound like someone who is disapproving of physical contact. Nonetheless, we managed to get the situation straightened out with a little bit of communication. A few minutes later, he came downstairs and met my friend. It was a bit awkward to say the least. At this time though, I asked him about picking up my friend (the next American guest) from the airport on Christmas morning. He said he'll do it. But I gotta say, I was lacking a bit of faith at the time and told my next friend --- we should have a backup plan.

The date ...

OK, I had to break up the text on that one by doing two entries. So, where did I leave off ...

The first date: He picked me up that evening in his car (I thought this was a real treat, considering I was told most guys in London didn't drive). Having a car in the States would've never been criterion for a guy I was going out with. It would've been a must, especially because public transportation isn't that accessible where I lived in the D.C. Metropolitan area. So, I get in the car (he didn't open the door) and he looked very nice. He was pretty clean-cut, dressed in slacks, a button down shirt, and a gray V-neck button down sweater (sorta like Bill Cosby, but it was cute) and he was playing Ne-Yo -- my favorite male R&B artist, right now. Everything was OK. But that little thing about not opening the door, kept gnawing at me. So, I had to ask ... "Do British guys not open doors for girls?" He was completely caught off guard and responded with, "I never noticed it before. No girl has actually mentioned it to me." Now, I was the one in shock.

We arrive at the movie theater: He immediately gets out the car and opens my door. I'm impressed yet again. Maybe that's the problem --- impressed too easily? LOL! So, he buys the tickets, the popcorn (the sweet and salty mix I like), a jumbo soda (just for me --- thank God, he didn't suggest sharing, I was in a nervous panic about it) and some nachos for himself. He offered to buy more, but I declined --- especially considering I told him I just ate. No need for him to know, it was just a can of soup? LOL! He led me by my back into the theater and seems to be pretty considerate the whole time. Again, it was not what I was expecting after my first date. If it were up to my friend in the States --- she would've had me carry mace. LOL!

During the movie: Anyhow, we had some chit-chat in the movies --- I know, I know, don't you hate those first date people? I agree the next time I have a first date, choose another location. Movies are NOT the place to get to know one another. So, after I nearly drown my hand in the bucket of popcorn, b/c I'm starving at this point, I get a bit embarrassed. So, where did I leave off .... So, I let the popcorn go and just continued to watch "The Day the Earth Stood Still" on his chest with his arm around me. I have to admit it felt nice. It felt like Sam and I had quite the connection.

After the movie: He opened all doors and etc. etc. He drives back to my on-campus flat (aka, a dorm) and we continue to chat in his car for at least an hour and 30 minutes. We seemed to have covered everything --- family, religion, school and future plans. Trust me, I KNOW these things are a bit heavy for the first date, but I let him lead the conversation. And I just figured it was another thing about British guys that I understood --- that they take dates A LOT more seriously than Americans. So, I went with the flow. It was soon after midnight and I had to be up early and he had to be at work (he does sorta brokerage work for a loan company). So, he got out to open my door and walk me to the front door of my building. High hopes ...

The meeting ...

So, it's been a little while since I visited 'Loveless in London.' Since that time quite a bit has happened. The 'love interest' is already over. But for those who may be reading, let me back track a few steps.

Well, I met this guy in an "unconventional way" --- a month ago, yesterday. I remember b/c I was flying back to the States the day after. Nonetheless, we met as I was on my way to the university library. I was sorta in a rush to print out my airline ticket and get back to my room, because I had an early flight the next day. My grandmother had just passed and the last thing I was thinking about was meeting a guy. Just so happened, the day I'm in a rush and threw on anything --- I meet someone. We'll call him "Sam," remember?

So, Sam approached me that very cold evening as he was coming from elsewhere inside the university. I think from dropping off an assignment of some sort. Nonetheless, I remember he was carrying a can of Sour Cream and Onion Pringles and I half-smiled at him. He made some noise and said something like, "Excuse me." I turned around as if I was a bit annoyed that he was stopping me. He then asked if he could talk to me for a minute. I quickly remembered what I looked like and turned around and looked back to see if he was talking to me. It was the funniest thing.



I thought he was pretty cute and I loved that he was super tall. Well, I'm only 5'4 --- so almost anyone is "super tall." But as he stood there, 6'3 and all, he began to talk to me --- I learned he was intelligent too. I believe his major is global financing or something financing. I was indeed impressed. So, he asked for my number and I offered it to him. He called it immediately to make sure it would go through or to make sure I was giving him the right number. Then, as we began to chit-chat a bit more, I asked him about his Pringles --- mentioning that it was American. He said they were his favorite 'crisps' -- chips. Sam then told me how he thought I was 'very bubbly' and asked was it attributed to all that 'American sunshine.' I agreed. The British accent had me going at this point and I nearly forgot why I was out so late (probably about 10:30 p.m.). So, as the conversation began to wrap up --- I told him to Facebook Friend Request me. It would be the best way to reach me while I was in the States for a week.

And, low and behold ... he did, also instantly. So, we chatted that week while I was away. He offered to even call internationally, but I sorta thought it was inappropriate to give out my family's home number. What if he ended up being crazy or something? Well, I consulted with one of my State-side girlfriends about the issue --- she's one of the few that I get dating advice from --- but she agreed, the e-mailing and IMing would be best until I returned. We e-mailed and IMed just about everyday until I was no longer available by computer.

Nonetheless, I thought of him while I was away. I picked him up a can of Pringles (a new flavor) since London only provides three types. And when I returned he called me that day (as he told me he had it marked in his phone --- the day of my arrival). He asked about doing dinner, but at the time I had already eaten. So, he suggested a movie. Despite the fact that I was a bit jet-lagged, I agreed as I knew my American guests would be arriving as soon as the next day.

A Fresh Start in London?

OK, I have to admit and know my friends may kill me for this one ... but when I applied to school in the U.K., I was hoping to find a bit of love too. Education, love, excitement and fashion what could be better than life abroad for a year or two.

The U.S. dating scene was getting kinda blah for me when I realized I wanted more out of life and love. Hence, the desperation to go overseas and seek a new me. Well, it may not be quite as glamorous when you consider that in nearly four months I've been out on two actual dates: two different guys and both took me on dates to the movies. How original, uh? In fairness though --- the second one and I had last minute plans due to my busy flying back from the U.S. and guests visiting schedule. And I may give him a little more room for error considering that I kinda like him and could see him being a potential bf.

So, enough about the here and now. Let's go back to see where the problem began in my relationships in the States. Ummm. Gee, do I really want to cross this hazardous stream? OK, after a minute or two of debate ... I decided to just post past "lovers" as need be.
Back to my first date in London ... OK, the first guy (we'll call him ... John) I'm sorta sorry to admit was someone working in London's public transportation system. But I thought he had potential b/c he wanted to go corporate and I figured at the very least, I could maybe get free tube tickets. LMAO! I know, I know --- it's bad. Nonetheless, I already sorta knew after meeting him at the tube station (while he was working) it wasn't going far. However, one of my London friends told me I had to get my feet wet here and get over the first date hump. So I did --- with this guy.
Let me tell you though, I surprised myself with the effort I put forth. I bought a cute sweater dress and put a bit more dazzle in my afternoon get-up for this guy. I figured I should at least put in some effort and the dress was only a few pounds. Anyhow, I met this guy at the tube station on Bond Street. And no, you don't have to ask --- he was not working this day. So, everything seemed OK in the beginning, except the black padded motorcycle jacket he was wearing (the ones guys wear when they are riding to protect themselves), his creased blue jeans and his dress shoes. I'm about to get sick thinking about that black padded motorcycle jacket again, so let me a minute. ... Well, I try to think of it this way --- maybe he was planning to jump across the trains in order to save me --- in case I was pushed or maybe even hopped onto the tracks myself. LOL! Nonetheless, we went to the movie theater and John had a problem with the guy in the ticket booth. John told him that he needed to straighten out his attitude. I was in such disbelief. Was he trying to show off or was he simply showing how he could be an ass? Either way, I was embarrassed already. Then it gets worse as we went to order snacks at the movie theater. He suggested that we share a soda. Yuck!!! Sharing popcorn I can do, but when we have to share a soda --- that's like sharing in a kiss. And I was NOT planning to kiss this guy. Yuck!!! Still, I chalked this up to maybe things being different in Britain. Did I also mention he got the cheap seats for our first date? If we were any further back ... we would've been outside. LOL! Anyhow, as the new James Bond flick begins everything seems normal. He has his own soda, we share the salty and sweet mixture popcorn and I am enjoying the flick. Then all of a sudden he wants to talk to me about all these 'wonderful' things he can do for me. I'm thinking, "Travel to Italy? Do you not see that we're sitting in the cheap seats and I'm expected to believe you're going to take me to Italy?!?" He soon continues on to ask, "Have you ever shared yourself with a man before?" This time I had to speak up. I said, "We don't need to talk about our sex lives until we are about to have sex. And quite frankly, that won't be anytime soon." The movie ended shortly afterward and as we are walking out, he told me he didn't think I liked him. I'm thinking what gives you this impression. The fact that he was groping me in the movie theater like a lion on a gazelle or the fact that he tried to get a cheap feel by telling me I had popcorn on my butt. Eeeh. Things weren't looking so great for the British chaps and me. Was this all I had to look forward to? He planned a second date with me, but I cordially declined after I was back at home safely and knew he wasn't stalking me or anything. And eventually the calls and texts fell off. Whew! That date was in mid-November and I was beginning to see fewer possibilities in London than in the States until guy number two (we'll call him ... Sam). We'll save that one for entry number two.