An optimistic look toward tomorrow.

Boy, this stone must be really working. I'm on a roll with this blog thing today. LOL!

So, there's this new fella I haven't mentioned yet. Well, quite frankly there's not much to say as we haven't been on our first "meet-and-greet." Before you judge, let me tell you the story.

While one of my American friends was visiting during the holiday, she mentioned this one guy to me "Morris". She actually told me about him a year or so ago, but I kinda brushed it off as I was in a place where I wasn't really dating but preparing for my move here to London. Anyhow, his name came back around and she told me how he works here in London every so often. She was hoping to catch up with him while here and even tried contacting his mother. The two of them were childhood neighbors growing up in Massachusetts.

Nonetheless, my interest perked two days prior to her departure with her mentioning Morris again. This time she went into more detail, telling me how he works in the financial industry and lives in NYC. She had me Facebook him. To my surprise, he was there. I sent him a note on "her behalf" (knowing she was to fly out in less than 48 hours). I wrote something like, "Hi, I'm a friend of your neighbor ... She wanted to see if she could meet up with you if you're here in London." Two days later I received a friend acceptance and an e-mail from him, telling her he said "Hello" and him saying he'll send me a note next time he's on this side on the pond.

I wrote him back something general and didn't mention his note. I noticed on his page that he was still NYC. I checked out everything on his page. Soon enough, I learned he was on his way back to London. Surprisingly, he had a lot of information on his page. Probably too much for someone like me. LOL! His birthday (is the same as my brother's), his address in New York City, telephone numbers in NYC and in London and his profession as a financial trader --- as well as the company he works for and his previous employer Merrill Lynch. Indeed, there was a lot to see and a lot that impressed. Most importantly was his "single" status under relationship. Interesting. My cousin questions why he is single, and know I hate that question when asked, but it is something to think about. He is 29, great career, place in NYC and he works in both New York and London. I think it's because he's busy --- maybe too busy for a relationship. Who knows. I could analyze this all day and not get anywhere and I dare not ask him. It's just so inappropriate for guys to ask me, "Why are you single?" I don't think there is EVER a great response to that. If you answer the question, you're immediately given the twice-over. Egh. I prefer to catch men by surprise --- let them find out on their own. LOL!

Anyhow, I e-mailed him to his Gmail addy and asked if he would like to do coffee or tea soon. He responded with a yes and said he's usually free on Sundays. So, in our brief chit chats on Gmail IM and a few breezy e-mails, I learned he was going to be here indefinitely. Um, interesting. Oh and as suspected --- he works late --- like in 8 or 9 p.m. late throughout the week. I guess that comes with the territory.

Well, there you have it. We have a "meet-and-greet" set soon at a coffee house/restaurant/bar in central London. So, I guess we'll see how it goes.

Here's to Hope!

A journey in the past.

"Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore; if it's bad, you just had sex with an ex."
- Samantha Jones of Sex & The City.

Well, I'm just about caught up with what's new in London. Let's see ... my ex-beau (we'll call him Carl) from 2004-2007 (off and on) recently called me. He actually rang me Saturday night around 1 a.m. and sadly I was in my twin-size dorm room bed alone. Not a position an ex should allow herself to be caught in. I know, I know --- I shouldn't have answered for two main reasons: One, he is my ex and two, it was after 1 a.m. on a Saturday night. Nonetheless, I answered.

After some quick banter about where his life is going and where mine is going (totally in opposite directions) he ends this international call with an "Alright, well I miss you and I will talk to you again soon." OK, I knew something was up when his cheap a$% called me internationally but I was waiting for the ball to drop.

And so there it is. I responded with a "OK, goodnight." No tricks up my sleeve or anything, I just kept things real simple. Um, I guess there really isn't a need for discussion about this b/c it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Firstly, I'm not even sure how to classify what we had. We were in a relationship by definition, but like many past relationships --- it had its problems. But then again, it had its good times --- like how he would pick me up from work on my lunch breaks so we could share an authentic Italian meal together or go to a little Chinese bistro. Still, it's so old and it's hard to travel back that far. Besides, he's planning to move to North Carolina or South Carolina next year. And I'm aiming for New York City this year or at the very least a major city. There's no coming together with this, from what I can tell.

So, let's move on to a recent 'lover'. Just for clarification in future references --- lover refers to ones that I was never officially bf and gf, but still held a special place with me. ;-) Usually. OK, where do I begin with this one ... Well, this lover "Travis" just sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago. He wrote, "I do miss talking to you. You're still my number 1 English girl." Let's take a second to dissect this message. First, I haven't received an e-mail from Mr. Travis NYC in a few weeks and secondly, "number 1 English girl" --- I think I'm the only girl he knows in England. I roll my eyes at this stuff. However, I have to admit it's something about Travis that always sends a tingle or two up my spine.

We met through a cousin of mine in 2006 at a group dinner of seven. Initially, I wasn't that attracted to him but as the evening wore on I had a sip too much (literally a sip) of something and I was fawning all over him. I remember singing, Alicia Keys' "My Boo" on the streets of New York, arm and arm with him. I exchanged numbers then, thinking at the very least we could hang out the next time I was in NYC. It was something attractive about him, so I stayed in touch. Maybe because he was a "blue-collar" guy and I usually go for what one of my friends calls "The Suited and Booted" type. I found myself enjoying many conversations with him and soon enough --- a couple of visits to NYC. He couldn't quite make the trip from NY to Maryland EVER within that time frame; because he was always SO busy working or volunteering (he coaches a high school boys' basketball team). At the time though, it didn't seem to matter an awful lot. It did begin to bother me though when I found myself making visits and still we wouldn't see each other. The arguments turned heated with our biggest explosion right before I left for London.

I can recall it like it was yesterday: I was hanging with my NYC friend and we went out to get pedicures that day and just to chill together. I was hoping that Travis and I were going to see one another later that day, as he knew I would be flying to London for graduate school. I called him and all of sudden we were playing an annoying game of phone tag. My flight back to D.C. was going to leave in just a few hours and within that next week or two; I was to arrive in Europe. We finally touched based after about an hour or so. We decided to meet up, but he forewarned me that we couldn't spend much time together as his schedule was hectic that day. I said, "Fine." So, we both drove around the city for a bit in search of a meeting place. It didn't work. I was frustrated and simply tired at that point as I couldn't understand why I was driving around to meet him --- he was the one familiar with driving in NYC and most importantly, I was the one leaving! That final conversation that day ended with me hanging up with him and of course screaming, "I'm Done!!!" I am beginning to realize that I need a new phrase or make this one carry some weight.

Maybe a month or so later, I found myself calling him from London. We chatted as if nothing ever happened. Well, with the exception of him apologizing for being such an a$@ over the last couple of years. He apologized for not treating me better and not trying harder to see me. I guess that was enough at the time. Funny how they always come back around apologizing, uh?

Anyhow, here we are ... It drives my NYC girlfriend crazy that I still even communicate with him. Part of me thinks I do it to spite her and the other part is b/c I think I do actually care for him. Who knows. I seriously doubt there will be a future between us, even if I do move to NYC. By the way, he's not the reason for my decision. Trust me, I would mention it if he were. Still though, I can't help but wonder what would've happened if I were living in NYC. Could it have worked? I guess at this point with thousands of miles between us, it's neither here or there. So, it's best to just leave it there.

A special thank you

I just wanted to do a separate blog for one of my new friends in London. Thank you for the heart-shaped stone for inspiration with the blog and for the wonderful pictures to represent love in all forms. Your stories of love and the ideas that accompany it are a pleasure to entertain. Just remember to never lose faith ... he could be waiting on you. After all, Love and London are synonymous with each other, right? :-)

Here's to hoping we both find our loves in London ... if not, we will tell those "stupid boys" up yours with our fantastic careers soon to come !! ;-)

Part II: He's back ...

Somehow though, I pressed on in a foggy haze. We chatted on Facebook IM a couple of days later (I never replied to his e-mail). And somehow I got angry, happy and again to the middle ground in a matter of those instant messages. We decided to be friends ... I guess. Nonetheless, he ended up calling me that Sunday and asking what I was up to. He said he wanted to see me (not JUST a friends statement at all, I know). So, throughout that day --- he calls and texts me between his study breaks. He arrived and I was ready. I had shaved my legs etc. etc., put on my makeup and curled my hair. I was looking as if I was going out on a hot date, instead of chillin' in my room on a Sunday evening. LOL! So, we put on a movie and next thing you know he started tickling me. He then picked me up and spun me around the room (FYI --- I had on a dress this evening). Then ... we were on my bed. I was now kissing the guy who I was just days ago done seeing. God only knows how I got to this point. These were the relationships I was in London to avoid. I didn't want the "making out" and non-relationships ... well, anymore. I thought the problem was with American men, but the only common person in the London and American situations ... is me. What a sucky revelation this has turned out to be. So, here's to hoping for more self-awareness.

When I'm done, I'm never really done.

Apparently, the phrase "When I'm done, I'm done" has no standing power. Sadly to say, it has come back to bite me in the a$% twice already. Last week has been full of something; I just haven't determined what quite yet. So, let's recap since I didn't have the opportunity to do so last week...

So, about a week after Sam and I decided to call "IT" off we were chatting it up over Facebook late one evening and next thing you know ... I get a phone call. Surprising, he couldn't do that while we were seeing each other but all of a sudden he found the will and determination to dial those little 11 numbers (yes, the numbers are that long here). Nonetheless, I picked up b/c after all --- I'm done. So, we were talking about general stuff --- his dissertation and my class schedule, mostly. We hang up after a few minutes and then I get Facebook IM messages saying how he misses me, he realizes he messed up and wanted to know how he could fix things. Fair enough, I sorta missed him too. But this was my big chance to tell him everything that I thought was wrong (especially since he thought I went out on a date with another fella --- but that's another story for another day, not to come anytime soon. LOL!)

I told Sam I thought he needed to make a real effort to call more and not just text or e-mail me. He also needed to make an effort to take me out. I told him, I wanted to be courted. He wasn't sure what "courting" meant and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure how to explain it other than "romanced." So, I did a quick search online...

What I discovered was that the Internet didn't offer much in the way of courting either. I managed to scrounge up one link and sent it to him. He seemed OK with everything at least that evening --- despite my apprehension about the link and mentioning how "we may just be too busy for one another." When we said goodnight, I wasn't expecting what was to come the next day or even two.

The following day I received no phone calls or messages. I thought it was strange enough, but I just figured "I'm REALLY done" b/c he can't even stick with this a day after conversing. So, I continued on with my life and thought nothing of it. I figured I would just let it fall off on it’s on. After all, I was done. So, the following day I received an e-mail from him explaining how he didn't think he could keep up with the things I was asking of him. He thought his studies, work and everything else would interfere with "pleasing" me. Sam continued on in his e-mail saying how he wanted us to be friends, so we can "try again" in the future. He apologized for giving me the message via e-mail versus in person or over the phone, as he wasn't sure if it would come out the way he was intending.

Now, I have to admit I was a bit childish at first with thoughts being "I was the first to break it off!!! How dare he!" After that initial moment, I wasn't sure what to feel about it. So, I called in reinforcement from two of my dear friends. My girlfriend in NYC told me she thought it was "sweet" and that he was trying to keep in touch with me. My cousin (my other dear friend) had the same sentiments. I wasn't happy with either of these analyses so I called upon another friend who basically said she thought he was giving me the run around and if he couldn't live up to the expectations of simply calling and going out --- why even bother.

The Crush, Part II.

The movie evening: Despite the advice to not invest anything in this relationship (I use the term loosely) ... I continued to pursue this idea of the two of us. It was beyond my control at this point. I was already imagining us spending the summer together in Africa and making hot jungle love. By the way, he said he thought mulatto children were some of the most beautiful children. I was smitten. Well, maybe not so much by that comment but by him in general. And it sorta seemed like he was interested in me too. He was surely impressed with me interning and going to Paris with my internship. But I wasn't 100 percent sure if that was the extent of it. By the end of the semester he was crazy busy. I barely ran into him, unless he was on his way to the library. By the way, I ran into at the library in the infamous sweats outfit. We still flirted with each other from different rooms during our group projects. Then again, I should mention how he turned down my dinner request. I was going to cook, but he said he was going to be in the library all day. I later saw him in the kitchen cooking his dry pasta and chatting it up with his friend 'Roxie' (who is pretty unattractive, I know shallow, to say the least). After all of this and even recapping this --- I'm not sure what this was.

The let down: Well, sadly after my return from Paris (for the internship) my grandmother passed away the very next day -- on a Thursday morning (London time). I booked my flight and prepared to go home. I debated letting him know that Sunday that I was leaving. Most of my friend's in the U.S. said I shouldn't let him know and just leave. On the other hand, some of my London friends thought otherwise. So, I followed the advice which I liked best. I slipped him a note underneath his door that Sunday morning and told him that I had a family emergency so I would be returning back to the States. I wished him 'Happy Holidays' in the note. It was the last week of school with finals and such, but I'm certain he knew we wouldn't see each other before January. I received a text message saying that he was sorry to hear of my emergency, hoped everything was OK at home and wished me happy holidays. It was a bit disappointing, I admit. A text??? Then, I figured maybe I should just tell him that she passed away. So, I sent him a text back saying my grandmother had just passed and I had to leave and would miss the rest of the semester. Again, I received another text message. This time he was offering his condolences and of course, wishing me a happy holiday. To say the least, I was blown away. I would think at the very least, he would've knocked on my door to say this. But to avail, no knocks. I discussed the situation with the lady on the plane sitting next to me (only after she divulged her love life and this was the closest thing going on in my life at the time. Remember I had only met Sam the day before). She seemed to think that some people couldn't handle death well. Still, I was a bit disturbed about the whole ordeal. I mulled over the thought a little bit over the holidays and decided to Facebook Friend Request him. He accepted my request.

His life, not mine: I looked at some of his pictures and tried to picture what one of my friends always says to me, "Can you see yourself in his life and his lifestyle?" I thought I could ... until I began looking at his pics of him back in Canada. I couldn't see it. I couldn't see him with his family and me in the mist of it. It became a hardening reality. I just ran into Richard in the hallway yesterday. He asked about my break, telling me he knew it had to be tough, but he was surprised that I came back and instead of being with my family for Christmas and New Year's. I explained to Richard, at least twice prior, that I had friends who were visiting with non-refundable tickets. My family understood, why couldn't he? As if he was the messiah on family relationships and he was trying to dissect mine. Eh. I digress. So, nonetheless --- amazingly enough and to the delight of a couple of my friends the spark that was once there last semester is gone. I was able to see him and not feel anything. Oh, I'm still friends with him ... I just loaned him my "Drumline" DVD, knowing how much he likes movies of the sorts. He hadn't seen it before so he was quite interested. Well, that's another chapter wrapped up with a pretty little bow. At least that round wasn't so bad. Here's to Hoping ...

The Crush.

Part One: So, there's this guy I was crushin' since November of last semester. His name is ... well, we will call him Richard. Richard is 23 (hey, I'm meeting guys on campus and I thought he was older. what can I say?) --- In fairness though, the first date guy was in his early or mid-30s. Nonetheless, Richard lives right across the hall from me. I'm not even sure if this posting is even necessary, but wanted to get a grasp for all my sorta interests --- across the board. Anyhow, Richard I'm not sure ever knew I liked him or crushed on him. We were still getting to know each other, so I don't want to use the big "L" word quite yet. Somehow, I found myself slipping little notes under his door and he under mind and investing in 'chill' clothes b/c every time he ran into me --- I was ALWAYS in my gray sweats and one of my dad's ol' college sweatshirts he gave me when I was like 10. Quick point --- my new 'chill' clothes now consists of long sleeved fitted shirts, leggings and comfy pom-pom boots. Nonetheless, he hung out in my room a couple of times as well. 

Plans interrupted: The first time we were suppose to go out we were suppose to see the musical "Wicked." I knew he liked the theater and so one day, I casually said to him, "Hey, I'm hoping to see "Wicked" soon and wanted to see if you would want to join me." We made plans from two weeks from that date. Meanwhile, we were still passing notes underneath each other's doors until that one day --- a few days before we were to see the show --- I got the most disappointing note of them all. He said he couldn't make it due to a last minute group meeting. His note seemed sincere enough, but I went on without him. I'm a gal of the new era --- a 'Miss Independent' if I may. So, that morning of the show I got up early to get a rush ticket. Guess what? I ran into him in the hallway looking like s$#@. Now generally I don't curse often, but trust me that word was absolutely necessary. You remember the infamous sweats and sweatshirt --- yeah, he saw me that. This was obviously prior to the 'chill' clothes investment. I tried not to let it bother me as I was able to snag the last rush ticket available that day. I was thrilled! So, I decided to call him. I completely forgot about his group meeting at the moment. I told him about my luck and he sounded excited. Low and behold ... he was actually in a group meeting. Surprising. He wasn't just standing me up. So, I went to the show and let me give a quick shout for Wicked's Alexia Khadime as Elphaba. She was fabulouso (a word from the show ... I think). Anyhow, I thought he would be interested in learning about the show and besides I was kinda interested in knowing what he was up to. 

Second game plan: At this point, it was probably a few minutes after 7 p.m. So, after I told him about the show, he told me about his group meeting and decided to ask if he wanted to come by for a movie. He said sure, offering 9 p.m. as the best time for him as he was wrapping up some school work. It's something with these guys being 'ultra-busy' with school stuff and me not being extra busy with school stuff. Who knows what it could be. Maybe I need to take my friend's suggestion and start interning again as 'idle hands' can be dangerous. LOL! Anyhow, despite this same friend's suggestions ... I went to the grocery store and bought some microwaveable popcorn, two bottles of Coca-Cola and some Oreo cookies. Thank God for my cousin who was on the phone with me at the time, advising me to go no further than that. She knows I can go overboard when I like someone and I was definitely trying to break out that habit. So, he came by and we watched Martin Lawrence's "You So Crazy." He choice, not mines. It seems though that Richard has quite the interest in black culture as he chatted with me about going to Africa to study music etc. etc. Oh, this would probably be a good time to mention that he's Canadian and I'm ... well, not. LOL! Nonetheless, he got most of the jokes and what he didn't get was simply because he's American. We ate popcorn, cookies and drank Coke. It was a nice evening that ended a little after midnight. Unfortunately, I was falling asleep as the evening was getting later. He clearly noticed that as he was trying to tell me about his interest in doing philanthropy work in Africa. Everything was great, as I soon invested in those 'chill' clothes I told you about earlier, and I thought things were on a roll. He was still busy, but we managed to see each other. How could we not? We were flat neighbors. Well, I do admit that I had a big part to play in that ...