Sunday, January 18, 2009

When I'm done, I'm never really done.

Apparently, the phrase "When I'm done, I'm done" has no standing power. Sadly to say, it has come back to bite me in the a$% twice already. Last week has been full of something; I just haven't determined what quite yet. So, let's recap since I didn't have the opportunity to do so last week...

So, about a week after Sam and I decided to call "IT" off we were chatting it up over Facebook late one evening and next thing you know ... I get a phone call. Surprising, he couldn't do that while we were seeing each other but all of a sudden he found the will and determination to dial those little 11 numbers (yes, the numbers are that long here). Nonetheless, I picked up b/c after all --- I'm done. So, we were talking about general stuff --- his dissertation and my class schedule, mostly. We hang up after a few minutes and then I get Facebook IM messages saying how he misses me, he realizes he messed up and wanted to know how he could fix things. Fair enough, I sorta missed him too. But this was my big chance to tell him everything that I thought was wrong (especially since he thought I went out on a date with another fella --- but that's another story for another day, not to come anytime soon. LOL!)

I told Sam I thought he needed to make a real effort to call more and not just text or e-mail me. He also needed to make an effort to take me out. I told him, I wanted to be courted. He wasn't sure what "courting" meant and quite frankly, I wasn’t sure how to explain it other than "romanced." So, I did a quick search online...

What I discovered was that the Internet didn't offer much in the way of courting either. I managed to scrounge up one link and sent it to him. He seemed OK with everything at least that evening --- despite my apprehension about the link and mentioning how "we may just be too busy for one another." When we said goodnight, I wasn't expecting what was to come the next day or even two.

The following day I received no phone calls or messages. I thought it was strange enough, but I just figured "I'm REALLY done" b/c he can't even stick with this a day after conversing. So, I continued on with my life and thought nothing of it. I figured I would just let it fall off on it’s on. After all, I was done. So, the following day I received an e-mail from him explaining how he didn't think he could keep up with the things I was asking of him. He thought his studies, work and everything else would interfere with "pleasing" me. Sam continued on in his e-mail saying how he wanted us to be friends, so we can "try again" in the future. He apologized for giving me the message via e-mail versus in person or over the phone, as he wasn't sure if it would come out the way he was intending.

Now, I have to admit I was a bit childish at first with thoughts being "I was the first to break it off!!! How dare he!" After that initial moment, I wasn't sure what to feel about it. So, I called in reinforcement from two of my dear friends. My girlfriend in NYC told me she thought it was "sweet" and that he was trying to keep in touch with me. My cousin (my other dear friend) had the same sentiments. I wasn't happy with either of these analyses so I called upon another friend who basically said she thought he was giving me the run around and if he couldn't live up to the expectations of simply calling and going out --- why even bother.

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