A journey in the past.

"Sex with an ex can be depressing. If it's good, you don't have it anymore; if it's bad, you just had sex with an ex."
- Samantha Jones of Sex & The City.

Well, I'm just about caught up with what's new in London. Let's see ... my ex-beau (we'll call him Carl) from 2004-2007 (off and on) recently called me. He actually rang me Saturday night around 1 a.m. and sadly I was in my twin-size dorm room bed alone. Not a position an ex should allow herself to be caught in. I know, I know --- I shouldn't have answered for two main reasons: One, he is my ex and two, it was after 1 a.m. on a Saturday night. Nonetheless, I answered.

After some quick banter about where his life is going and where mine is going (totally in opposite directions) he ends this international call with an "Alright, well I miss you and I will talk to you again soon." OK, I knew something was up when his cheap a$% called me internationally but I was waiting for the ball to drop.

And so there it is. I responded with a "OK, goodnight." No tricks up my sleeve or anything, I just kept things real simple. Um, I guess there really isn't a need for discussion about this b/c it's not going anywhere anytime soon. Firstly, I'm not even sure how to classify what we had. We were in a relationship by definition, but like many past relationships --- it had its problems. But then again, it had its good times --- like how he would pick me up from work on my lunch breaks so we could share an authentic Italian meal together or go to a little Chinese bistro. Still, it's so old and it's hard to travel back that far. Besides, he's planning to move to North Carolina or South Carolina next year. And I'm aiming for New York City this year or at the very least a major city. There's no coming together with this, from what I can tell.

So, let's move on to a recent 'lover'. Just for clarification in future references --- lover refers to ones that I was never officially bf and gf, but still held a special place with me. ;-) Usually. OK, where do I begin with this one ... Well, this lover "Travis" just sent me an e-mail a couple of days ago. He wrote, "I do miss talking to you. You're still my number 1 English girl." Let's take a second to dissect this message. First, I haven't received an e-mail from Mr. Travis NYC in a few weeks and secondly, "number 1 English girl" --- I think I'm the only girl he knows in England. I roll my eyes at this stuff. However, I have to admit it's something about Travis that always sends a tingle or two up my spine.

We met through a cousin of mine in 2006 at a group dinner of seven. Initially, I wasn't that attracted to him but as the evening wore on I had a sip too much (literally a sip) of something and I was fawning all over him. I remember singing, Alicia Keys' "My Boo" on the streets of New York, arm and arm with him. I exchanged numbers then, thinking at the very least we could hang out the next time I was in NYC. It was something attractive about him, so I stayed in touch. Maybe because he was a "blue-collar" guy and I usually go for what one of my friends calls "The Suited and Booted" type. I found myself enjoying many conversations with him and soon enough --- a couple of visits to NYC. He couldn't quite make the trip from NY to Maryland EVER within that time frame; because he was always SO busy working or volunteering (he coaches a high school boys' basketball team). At the time though, it didn't seem to matter an awful lot. It did begin to bother me though when I found myself making visits and still we wouldn't see each other. The arguments turned heated with our biggest explosion right before I left for London.

I can recall it like it was yesterday: I was hanging with my NYC friend and we went out to get pedicures that day and just to chill together. I was hoping that Travis and I were going to see one another later that day, as he knew I would be flying to London for graduate school. I called him and all of sudden we were playing an annoying game of phone tag. My flight back to D.C. was going to leave in just a few hours and within that next week or two; I was to arrive in Europe. We finally touched based after about an hour or so. We decided to meet up, but he forewarned me that we couldn't spend much time together as his schedule was hectic that day. I said, "Fine." So, we both drove around the city for a bit in search of a meeting place. It didn't work. I was frustrated and simply tired at that point as I couldn't understand why I was driving around to meet him --- he was the one familiar with driving in NYC and most importantly, I was the one leaving! That final conversation that day ended with me hanging up with him and of course screaming, "I'm Done!!!" I am beginning to realize that I need a new phrase or make this one carry some weight.

Maybe a month or so later, I found myself calling him from London. We chatted as if nothing ever happened. Well, with the exception of him apologizing for being such an a$@ over the last couple of years. He apologized for not treating me better and not trying harder to see me. I guess that was enough at the time. Funny how they always come back around apologizing, uh?

Anyhow, here we are ... It drives my NYC girlfriend crazy that I still even communicate with him. Part of me thinks I do it to spite her and the other part is b/c I think I do actually care for him. Who knows. I seriously doubt there will be a future between us, even if I do move to NYC. By the way, he's not the reason for my decision. Trust me, I would mention it if he were. Still though, I can't help but wonder what would've happened if I were living in NYC. Could it have worked? I guess at this point with thousands of miles between us, it's neither here or there. So, it's best to just leave it there.